Herschel Walker Categorically Denies Ever Playing Football

ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—Claiming that he is the victim of an orchestrated campaign of “outrageous lies,” Herschel Walker has categorically denied ever playing football.

Speaking at a rally in Atlanta, the candidate for the United States Senate lashed out at political enemies who, he alleged, have attempted to link him to the National Football League.

“I have never—I repeat, never—played football in my life, and I will sue anyone who claims that I did,” he declared. “This is a new low.”

His denial drew strong support from Senator Ted Cruz, who told reporters, “If Herschel Walker says that he never played football, we have to take him at his word. The people who are slinging this mud at him are the same crew who said that Donald Trump took home documents and I vacationed in Cancun.”

Walker’s increasingly erratic statements have inspired calls for him to be examined by a doctor, a demand that he flatly refused. “I don’t need to see a doctor, but I’ll see Dr. Oz,” he said.

Herschel Walker Categorically Denies Ever Playing Football
Source: Super Trending News PH